A BIG HAPPY SMILE & A HOLLYWOOD TAN DOES NOT OPEN DOORS... TRUST ME!

I must say, and really can't believe I am saying this... but it's a good job I'm not Colin Farrell's girlfriend!

Oh but why I hear you cry...
Because I am not made for the Hollywood photographic lens.

For if I was with Colin in Toronto
I would be expected to be a beautiful, healthy, tanned, and a happy lady...
When instead I am not:

Instead, I am a walking, streaky tanned mess and this makes me an unhappy lady and in no way feeling healthy let alone beautiful!

Instead, I look like I have been dipped in a mug of tea that someone forgot to stir... or I've spent the day rolling around in mud.

Hence my relief Colin's invitation to join him at TIFF clearly got lost in the post ; - )

WARNING: DO NOT BELIEVE SELF-TANNING INSTRUCTIONS!

IT IS NOT STREAK PROOF & THEREFORE THERE'S NO NEED TO RUB IN

IT DOES NOT TRANSFORM YOU INTO A TANNED GODDESS

AND FINALLY: IT IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO BECOME A HERMIT...

HOWEVER, ON THE PLUS SIDE THIS MEANS I'VE GOT NO CHANCE OF GETTING PREGNANT!!!